BONA, derived from the Zulu greeting to a multitude of people, 'Sanibona' - directly translated as 'we see you' - forms the premise of this publication, by Tebo Mpanza
Life has its hard bits. It doesn’t matter how carefully you tread or which route you choose—there’s no escaping the reality of it. A couple of weeks ago, my wife, Bex, and some friends—Joey, Kristine, Sakhile, and Naomi—were sitting around the table having what turned into an intense conversation for a supposedly chilled evening. “Choose your hard,” Naomi said. One of those lines that lands and lingers. Simple, but packed with layers.
Here’s the sentiment: A 9–5 job is hard. Being self-employed is hard. Being single is hard. Being married is hard. Staying fit is hard. Letting yourself go is hard. Parenthood is hard. Longing for children is hard. Rebuilding after loss is hard. Holding onto hope when life feels stagnant is hard. Leadership is hard. Following is hard. Saying no is hard. Saying yes is hard. You can’t avoid the hard. It finds us all, in different ways. The question I’m sitting with—at the start of this new year—isn’t just, “Which hard will I choose?” It’s, “Which hard have I already been choosing?”
I’ve been thinking a lot about the choices that shape us—not just the big ones, but the small, daily ones that quietly accumulate into a life. (Our choices become our life. That’s a crazy thought.) Which coffee meeting do I say yes to, and what does that cost me in time or focus? Which conversations do I lean into—the ones that build faith or pull me away from it? Conversations that edify or tear down, that lead me to the light or keep me in the dark? Which relationships do I nurture, and which ones do I need to let go of? Where do I invest my energy—into things that grow me or into distractions that deplete me?
I struggle with acceptance. I’ve always wanted better—for myself, my friends, my family, even strangers. But maybe this year, I need to accept more. Accept that people have their reasons. Accept that not everyone is ready to fight for more, fight for unity, fight for reconciliation, fight for difference—and that’s okay. Still, I can’t ignore the weight of choices. Some of us are living lives today shaped by decisions our parents made—or their parents made. And now we’re making choices that will ripple into the lives of others, whether we realise it or not.
I feel the hard right now. Sacrificing short-term comforts for long-term gains isn’t easy. I’m learning to get comfortable with delayed gratification—not just as a strategy, but as a posture. It’s saying no to the quick wins and yes to the deeper work, the inner building that isn’t visible but changes everything. Some of us aren’t where we want to be because we’re unwilling to do that work. We’re stuck in cycles—alone, broke, restless, distracted, addicted, lost, proud, angry, resentful, insecure, bitter, passive, stagnant—because we won’t face ourselves.
This is what I keep coming back to: the choices we make shape the lives we live. And while we don’t always control the hard we face, we can choose which hard to lean into—and who we become in the process.
A very insightful observation.