BONA, derived from the Zulu greeting to a multitude of people, 'Sanibona' - directly translated as 'we see you' - forms the premise of this publication, by Tebo Mpanza
Look, we (born in the 80s) grew up in the high school drama era, and I realise I’m about to lose some respect here. 10 Things I Hate About You, Never Been Kissed, The O.C. (Team Ryan & Marissa, obviously), One Tree Hill, A Knight’s Tale. And then there was the Tyler Perry universe—Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Why Did I Get Married?, The Best Man.
It feels like back then (yeah, I’m old now, and Aunty Leah said I can talk about this—so take it up with her), there was a framework, a script. Tension, longing, then the grand declaration. There were rules, even if they were unspoken. But modern love? Modern love feels different. And for many, it’s disappointing.
You’ve done everything right, but you’re in your 30s now and haven’t been on a single date, or at least not in a while. No one’s asking you out, and it sucks. You’re starting to wonder if it’s just not for you. Maybe you’ve started wondering if singleness is simply where you're meant to be, at least for now. But I wonder, is that really it? Or is it fear? Fear that you won’t live up to expectations. Fear that you’ll get it wrong. Fear that they might be the wrong person. Fear that if you take a risk and say I like you, you’ll have to face yourself—your own struggles, your own patterns, your own discomfort. I wonder.
And maybe, if we’re being honest, you never put in the work. You said they should like you for you, but do you even know you? It’s not about the gym membership or the fits or the presentation—those things are cool. But what about your thinking? Your drive? Your confidence? Your interests? Your opinion on things? Your experiences? How you actively live out what you believe? Would you date you?
Maybe you have done everything right, and yet, something is still missing. And no, they can’t quite put their finger on it either. But when they see it, they know. It’s the small things—how you remember their name and what they told you the first time you met. How you have an idea about what you want out of life. How you think about finances, family & the future. How you show up.
Modern love is different.
THE O.C. Crew
I’m not an expert, but we’re all navigating it in some way. Now it’s scrolling, ghosting, talking stages, awkwardness, and the endless illusion of options. It’s travel, delaying big decisions, working late, pleasing family. But some things haven’t changed. Commitment, communication, compromise—those still hold true. The way we arrive there, though? Different.
I read a statistic recently that nearly 40% of adults are now considered “unpartnered,” a massive jump from 29% in 1990. Some of that is cultural. Societal norms have shifted. People are choosing different paths.
But what if you still believe in love? What if you’re not looking for the curated version, the transactional one, the algorithm-approved match? What if you still believe in the kind of love that’s unfiltered, unshaped, organic? What then?